Crossing lines

Each line crossed

Diving deeper into you

The parade of life 

This song we sing - both familiar and absurd

I gaze at you from this side of the line and see my old self in you

Blinded by confidence then

Jaded by time 

Mix of jealousy and pride

Looking at you, my former self

And wondering how my formerly may see me now

Did the years do right?

Did you do right..?

Nearly at the finish line

After 2 years of struggling through the ups and downs of lab and postgraduate research, of working way way way overtime and being way way way underpaid, and the boring compulsory lectures, I'm finally nearly at the end.

Just finished writing the rough draft of my thesis, which I'm gonna be sending out to one of my committee advisors, and printed later today~ It's a good feeling. A strange feeling of relief. Light and....fluffy i guess.

Turning my head back I see my fiance sleeping, and even though I'm exhausted this feeling is strangely fulfilling. The feeling of "this is exactly where I wanna be right now". Can't really explain it and I'm just rambling now.

Strangely happy.

Life knows how to punch you in the face

Life is cruel

You're brought up to believe that the sky is the limit and that you're allowed to dream and do anything you want in the world. So you go on a mission to complete this dream... and somewhere you realize that this isn't really what you want.... so what then?

Sometimes you run into difficulties and you think that it's temporary, so you juggle between jobs and perhaps studying and supporting your family. You're in the dumps and you think its going to pass... and the before your realize it, maybe a decade has gone and you still haven't achieved what you set out to do, and what was temporary has become permanent. Stuck on a track that's slowly ingrained. Maybe from an outsiders perspective you can see that this is slowly coming true... so what do you do as a friend? Do you encourage them to carry on because it is their dream and that you want them to believe that it is temporary? Or do you tell them the cold hard truth that they're in a vicious cycle and they need to break free. Give up their dream and pursue a new one. I think that's a very difficult thing to do... Cruel.

Sometimes...

Sometimes we work harder when we procrastinate.
Sometimes it's better to go out and have fun, play hard and work hard.
Sometimes it's good to believe in life, to believe that things will work out one way or another and that worry will do nothing but give you sorrow.
Sometimes we need to put things into perspective.
Perspective is a very important thing... and it may be the most important life lesson.

Let us not be carried away by external factors... and listen to our singing souls and dance our dance to our lives.

The cycle of life

Monday- lab meeting
Tuesday - seminar
Wednesday- sleep late day
Thursday- whole lab meeting
Friday- journal club
Saturday- express lab work for data (for Monday)
Sunday- super express lab work for data (for Monday)

It's only a fairy tale- from Mai Hime

Who are those little girls in pain
Just trapped in castle of dark side of moon
Twelve of them shining bright in vain
Like flower that blossom just once in year
They're dancing in the shadow like whispers of love
Just dreaming a place where they are free as dove
They've never been alowed to love in this cursed cage
It' s only the fairy tale they believe
They're dancing in the shadow like whispers of love
Just dreaming a place where they are free as dove
They've never been alowed to love in this cursed cage


***********************************************************************************


This how I've been feeling lately.
It's like all my life I've been working towards a fairy tale.
A fairy-tale ending. 
But at the same time there're always things in the way, some reason or another, trying to stop use from moving forwards.
Then again, maybe it's only beautiful because it's a dream.

Work

The working world seems to be a really scary place.
Sometimes it's quite amazing at how things work around the place.
Every cog and wheel in society, how everything turns.

When you're in school or even university there are so many things that you learn in class that you wonder what use it would really be later. Similarly, there are so many "know-hows" that just seems to be common sense or just so simple that you feel people out there won't really pay you to do this- at least not well. I just sometimes really wonder about this. Does the educational environment really prepare you for the work environment. Sometimes I feel like I've been in academics for way too long that it's a little scary to face the real world. But recently, even the feel for the academic world, or the excitement I had for the research world has really burnt out. I don't know how some people do it. And now when I think about it, it feels like when I go out there I'm gonna be starting from scratch if I decide not to do any work related to the science-field.

The void

Thoughts thoughts thoughts

I seem to be posting a lot of music/ lyrics lately.
I know there's a lot I want to write about but it always seems to just swim around in my head or be like at the tip of my tongue, and I fail to spell things out.


I suppose the main thing that's bothering me is that I'm overseas (well more like back in my home country) studying masters and trying to maintain a long distance relationship with my fiance. It's been just over one year so far, and he came and visited a few months ago. But for some reason, things seems to just have gotten harder. I'm past halfway to getting my masters but recently it feels like I can't hold on any longer.

I know he wants to come over, but I don't really know if he can make it since he isn't a citizen here. Sigh~

Gotta start somewhere sometime ^^

I've been meaning to start a blog for a while now. Just a place to place my thoughts anonymously to the world and real life. Some place to connect to people and make friends. I used to love writing, and even though I'd get into periods when I feel completely drained of words, I always manage to squeeze something out. I guess this blog will just be like a journal. More of a place for the real me I seem to be losing slowly. So hopefully I'll be able to recover some of what was me.