First Love

As descriptive as the title of the song.
Going through the SMSes I was looking for the things that connected C and G. But somehow K seems to pop into the picture... the backdrop for the whole setting. Undeniably, it was what everything was built on to begin with. Sad and cruel. But I'm glad we've all moved on out of that nightmare. Forgiven and forgiving.

Those two and a half years washed and fizzled and ebbing away from the faint linings of the fuller life. Heck even the beginning years of us are tapered. So in a way it's good that we have milestones, so that we don't lose bits and pieces in the unchanging days that blend into one. Maybe that's what I mean when I say that every period as a different flavor. Maybe I was just grouping them according to some big event subconsciously. Isn't that how we differentiate amongst our memories? Dunno, I think I heard about that somewhere lately... from someone.

Listening to Hikki, it brings so many different memories, the very old, the old, and the more recent but not too recent. Different phases of my life over the last decade or so. Few artists do that I guess. Hehe... now I'm starting to feel really really old. I guess I'm just getting prepped for the trip. Which dusty corners to visit :)

Is it right to call people stepping stones? Not in a bad way... but just how they help you to getting to where you are now. Without knowing the wrong and the bad flavors, you'll not experience and learn what you truly want. So in the same way we're a stepping stone too for them. Helping each other in turning each other into the direction we should be going. With or without regrets... I should learn to drop things... baggage... whatever... feel light and move on.

And the concert :)

Time

This little rectangular box. Like a treasure chest of the 21st century. If I didn't have you, what would I occupy my nights with to deal with this loneliness? I still don't know how we coped with those years with SMSes being so expensive. The long wait for the next 25c or 30c message to come along. It's both a small and high price to pay. But there's something so valuable in those, that these pervasive instant messengers of now cannot replace. And at the same time the price cannot be replaced.

Being in Taiwan with so many distractions, I didn't know it was a good thing until I got here. But then there are always two sides to a coin. Now that I do have the time and space I finally get time to write. May it be poems, thoughts, or letters. Writing, is writing and will eventually evolve...hopefully into poems and songs again. I also get the time to read again, which is great. So... not only do I get the time to absorb, but I get the time to create too. 

It's nice to get time to oneself and indulge in things and the creativity, but at the same time there is a part of me that just can't keep herself from you. So even though I can deal with being alone, the moment of hanging up the phone is still so difficult. I can't really explain that feeling but I think you get the gist of it. 

I hope I can go back to that lifestyle I had in South Africa... Maybe it's because it's where we met. Maybe because it's my childhood home. But in a way I think the lifestyle there is the basis for everything, the rudimentary. I hope to spend my free time being constructive and doing things I have always wanted to do, but at the same time, it's so difficult. Over the last three years I have become an incredible consumer...